Saturday, September 26, 2015

7 days a week I eat urgency

I was born with a social stutter.
A handstand's interpretation
from a catapults dictation
during the middle of a three way conversation.

I see things from a different angle.

Although my perceptions can be a source
of alienation distancing me from the general population
my doctor says
my symptoms are acute.

I came to see him
for some direction on socialization
and he told me
“there's a reason why the last 35 years
you have swam against the current
of the rest of civilization. “

He says
I'm on the spectrum.

The most obvious indication
is the disconnection in my retinas.
Eye contact is four alarm siren stare
I can't clam up.

I don't speak skeleton tongue.
All attempts at messages relayed via
mandible and metacarpal
will remain inaudible.

I do, however, happen to be fluent
in misconstruing social cues.
My understanding of facial expressions
looks like a square dance at St. Pats
waiting for confession.

I get my lines crossed.

I suffer from sunshine sensitivity
I shut my eyes and hide my face
when any source of light hits me.
My mom says
I should supplement with vitamin d.

And I hate deviating from routines.
I'm the habit hoarder A&E ordered to cut corners
when they were forced to work against the clocks.

There's a method to my madness
it just takes a little understanding.

People rarely have the time.
My patience is a blockbuster
with wicks burning at both ends.
At some point we will collide
and my intent is that
you receive this message in time.

Because honestly
I don't think I can hide inside
the pressure cooker of one more persons hand
while they try to find a way to let me go
over a simple misunderstanding.

I don't mind
getting lost inside myself from time to time
just as long as somebody comes to find me.

You may not see it when you're looking
but I get lonely.
My cries sound like bagpipes
during a mediation retreat.
Its not the time or place.

So forgive me
if I turnskip
I'm not caught up
on the rest of the worlds interpretation
of appropriate.

I am the lead drummer
in my own Thanksgiving day parade
and I will completely disregard
the weather forecast for the day
and show up in my birthday suit.

I am comfortable in my own skin.

I want the world to see me
for exactly who I am.
if I cant make eye contact.

Just because I have a different perspective
that doesn't deplete my abilities
at keeping up with a friendship.
My loyalty
will always be a given.
My understanding may waiver
from time to time
but my shoulders and my eardrums
work just fine.

So, if you see me gaze off to the side,
I'm probably just constructing
a verbal conversation bubble
that I'll need to refer back to
for translation later.

I hope you don't mind.
It's just that lately I find myself trying to make sense of the way
most people only speak downfall,
and all I keep hearing
is climb.

_Emily A Klein

1 comment:

  1. Wow, amazing. I can relate to so many of these words. Thanks for sharing.