Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Back in the saddle
I figure now is as good a time as any to start this up again. It's true. Writing is a form of therapy. Especially if you are someone like me. Too proud to succumb to the magic of big pharma, yet still too raw and vulnerable to be accepted by the outside world.
I stayed away for a long time. And honestly, I don't know why. I was scared I had lost my drive. And the thing is looking back, it wasn't just the drive to write that I lost, it was my drive to live. To keep going. I'm not saying I wanted to die, don't get me wrong. I'm saying that for a while, nothing really mattered in my life....(well one thing did and we will get to that later.) And if I had to be perfectly honest, if I had to imagine, this was a feeling probably far worse than the feeling of wanting to die.
I'm 37 years old and I just Googled "mid life crisis". I'm willing to bet that if I searched long enough, like past the second page of the Google search (no man's land), I could pull up some kind of article where someone my age fell apart.
I just want to get to my happy ending.
So where should I start? I think I read somewhere that the best place to start is actually right where you are. I'd like to think whoever said that was onto something, so here goes nothing.
(Insert cliche warning label to describe yourself here)
In order to really start writing I think a certain part of you, albeit a miniscule cell of your being, has to believe in you. Lets face it writing isn't for the faint of heart. It takes dedication, persistence and a shit ton of bravery to expose parts of you in any creative outlet for that matter. But there is something very deliberate and conscious about writing that enables you to continue the act over a period of time. In that exists the ability to trust yourself and be able to listen and believe in yourself enough to share your thoughts with the rest of the world.
Even if you actually suck in real life, a part of you must be totally convinced of the opposite in order to be able to pick that pen up and write.
I only know this because I've felt it, if only for a while. Which is what I was leading up to. This belief, this speck of blind faith and hope that is your lifeline to the rest of this God forsaken world, can actually vanish. In an instant. Just like that.
And not until it's gone do you begin to realize its existence, the importance of its existence, and how hard it is to get it back.
This is where my story begins.
This is where I am.
Start here .......